He was carefully walking in my shoes and all was going well, till I got the camera and was ready to take a picture. That's when the shoe turned and it all went downhill for him. He's so into shoes right now. Everyone must have their shoes on at all times. All I have to do, practically, is get socks and he's running to find me a pair of shoes. Then it's "oats, oats, oats." Translation: coats The boy is never tired of being outside.I feel so let down. Deflated. Tired. Boring. So much happens around here everyday, but nothing really worth putting into words has happened all week. Maybe I've just too tired to see the little jewels. Or maybe I'm too stressed. Or too frustrated. Or I have too much college work on my brain or apartment hunting concerns or worry over my Grandmom... I have been enjoying having Matthew peacefully going to daycare this week, the nice reports, and him being so happy to see me come get him. He still has a cold and coughs so much. But his spirits are good. He coughed himself awake at 4:50 this morning and bless him if he wasn't cheerful. I, on the other hand, was not. Those that know me know I love my sleep and that I'm not a morning person. I'd prefer to never see the sun rise and sleep in till 9 every morning.
All this sleep loss probably contributed to my frustrations with work, but I still think I would be frustrated on the best day. I believe that forces, beyond my control, are aligning so as to push me over the edge into going back to work full time. It completely breaks my heart, but there it is. It will be so hard to give Matthew up for at least 9 hours a day. I know most other moms do it and they, and their children, survive. But it was my dream to be at home with him. I guess 2 years is better then 0.
4 comments:
Oh my. It certainly is February, isn't it! February is a hard, hard month--mired in winter doldrums. It is hard to feel hopeful or enthusiastic about anything, and you have been sick. March is an easier month, even if you still have to do things you don't really want to do.
I am sorry to hear that you are having a bad time! If you ever need to talk you can call me! I know all about the dream of wanting to be a stay at home mom! But I guess working isn't so bad either....I try and look at it in a positive way that it gives us more money to spend on the kids, family vacations...etc:) I hope things start feeling better for you and things will always get better.
love you guys and I am here if you want to talk!
Thanks so much for the support. I probably made it sound worse than I really feel. But it's true there is just a ton of stuff going on. Half good, just time consuming. Half not so great. I keep thinking things will go back to being more calm and peaceful, but I doubt it. After all, if nothing else I still will have Matthew!
Yep, lack of sleep is typical for moms of small (and not so small) children. But the joys outweigh the hard times in the long run. Hang in there and keep looking for the little pleasures! Those special moments make it all worthwhile and help you make it through the challenges. I hope you will soon be feeling good again and that things will go more smoothly from now on. You are loved!
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